Letters to Sarah
by nighners
Summary: To cope through the long deployment, Alisha finds comfort in writing letters to her love.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _It's been a month since we said our goodbyes. I miss you. I don't know why I keep writing these letters when I know you won't be getting them anytime soon, but it has become my salvation during this long deployment and I enjoy it greatly!_

 _The days up here in the Arctic are long and cold. The XO keeps reminding us every day about his sunny desk job he gave up, apparently freezing his ass off instead was a better deal. But his jokes bring slight humor to the daily routine on the bridge._

 _And have I told you about our Gator, short for Navigator? He's a funny guy (no, you don't need to be jealous love), he keeps me company during the long hours on watch and he's from Detroit, almost where you're from.. (And right now I can literally imagine your horrified face)._

 _Well NOT almost. I know how accurate you thrive to be._

 _How is your internship at the hospital going? I know you said the last time we spoke that the attending doctors were giving you hell, but I know you will make it through! You're smart my love, you'll outsmart everyone. And now you must be thinking that she has lost her mind already if she's asking questions when she knows she won't get any answers. It's what letters are for love, doesn't matter if you won't get these right now._

 _Did I mention that we stopped to refuel in France before we came up here? I still haven't given you that Paris trip I promised. Perhaps after this cruise we can find time and take the trip, finally. I think we both could use some downtime._

 _It's going to be October when we get back. Three months from now. I wonder how I will manage to get through the months without hearing from you. Not knowing how your day has been, I'm already missing to see your smile as you tell me about your day, to hear your laughter when you think your jokes are funny. Even the eating sounds you make as you chunk down Chinese food while on the phone with me, are coming through in my mind, I miss hearing every little silly sound you make!_

 _Would have been easier with shore duty.. But what can you do? I chose the Navy for a reason._

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _It's now been almost two months.. It feels like time is sitting still and we start the day all over again the next day. Everything happens like clockwork, chores are the same even though we might be on shift rotation._

 _Kara, my bunkmate and I, are trying our best to keep busy as we spend a lot of time talking, going to the gym and playing cards with the guys. I thought it would be strange to be the outsider on the ship, since it's my first trip with the Nathan James crew, but Kara made me feel welcome. And I feel like she's a good friend to have up here, one I sorely needed since I can't talk to you._

 _I hope you're doing okay though. Right now I feel a little sad, we're all so isolated up here and I'm not the only one who is showing signs of homesickness. Usually we get to have a few minutes on the phone or write emails, to keep in touch with our loved ones but now we are left with nothing. So.. even though I know you won't be reading this just yet, it gives me comfort that I can 'talk' to you through these letters right now.._

 _You know what I've craved the entire day..? Fish and Chips!_

 _Remember that place by the beach in Norfolk? Where they serve the greasiest dish of Fish and Chips? I'm so hungry for that now.. Perhaps I could bribe Bacon, our Culinary Specialist to whip me a dish of something good. But it's 2300 hours and I should be sleeping. Kara's sleeping already. And I wonder if I'll be hearing her talking in her sleep again. She hasn't told me yet but we have some girl talk ahead of us.. ;)_

 _Have we gone past that first stage of jitters and excitement to a steady moving train? You and I, we've been together for two and half years now. A lot of it has been apart, you have your medical studies and I'm in the Navy.. But even though I feel we are solid, I still sense the butterflies going through my entire body as I wait to meet you. I hope you feel it too._

 _I better get some sleep.._

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _I think the only thing keeping me sane on this trip is Kara. She and I have gotten pretty close, we have spent literally hours talking when we're not on duty and well.. when she isn't canoodling with a certain Lieutenant. Oh yes, as it turns out my bunkmate has found herself a better pastime during this dry cruise._

 _We have now completed what feels like our 50th test on our "forks" (but it is probably closer to 10.. and "forks" is a code name)_ _\- and what do you know, it was yet again a success. I'm sorry for my obvious frustration, but being cooped up on this ship without any news from home is driving everyone crazy. Not to mention the pranks going around, you know the usual.. Boys are always boys._

 _I never thought about it, but there is actually a limit on how many times you can play a game of cards.. Mine went over two weeks ago._

 _I keep wishing that everytime I open my eyes, you're here or I'm there. And the disappointment is real everytime I open my eyes and see the ceiling of my cabin. I keep thinking the day I met you, standing there all shy in a bar, looking like you don't belong there, but it was your first time there. Strange to think that we clicked it right off, the conversation floating on without a problem. It was so easy to talk to you, and I loved those brown eyes of yours, your shoulder length hair which now has gotten a lot longer.. But I think it was that spark in your eyes that made me fall in love with you. That spark is still there everytime I look at you._

 _I miss you, Sarah.. I hope you're doing okay, keeping up with your internship. I hope to see you soon, but it is still a few more weeks before I can hear your sweet voice for real. Hear you laugh at your own jokes, which will make me laugh too._

 _You know.. I keep playing your off-key version of "I wanna dance with somebody" from that one time when we were at a karaoke night.. Oops.. Did I just tell you that? - I still got the video babe! And it still makes my ears scream but hey, it's you and right now, it doesn't matter how you sound like, as long as I can have a piece of you here with me._

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _We're finally coming home! I almost have to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming.. We're done with our mission and we are finally coming home!_

 _I can't wait to see you again! The minute this ship docks, I'll be coming to see you. Here's to hoping we get a long R &R leave. The Captain is going to ask the Pentagon if we can break radio silence and call home, oh I would love so much to hear your sweet voice, hear your laughter, know that you're doing just fine. Well not too fine, since I'm gone, but you know what I mean._

 _I'm sensing it will be a celebratory evening tonight amongst the crew, everyone seemed to be in high spirits when the Captain made the announcement that we are going home. Finally the weapons testing (that seemed to be endless) is over. I know I was feeling pretty down on the previous letters, but this mission has taken its toll on people. Not everyone is cut out for this.. I mean I was suppose to be on shore duty, before I got transferred to the James. But I'm glad I did, even though it has been a rough couple of months, it also has been fun, thanks to Kara, Gator and a few others, I wouldn't have made it without them!_

 _Strange to think that I embarked on this mission without any friends among the crew and I do wonder if we would have gotten so close to each other if we hadn't had something in common - Not being able to contact home.._

 _I hope I get to call you soon!_

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _I'm not sure if you can read this letter at all, because tears are filling my eyes as I write. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I write anymore.. This was suppose to be a way for me to clear my head, to find comfort and manage through my deployment. Now I don't know why I keep going on.._

 _The last few days have been like a whirlwind.. We were attacked by the Russians, and we learned the real reason for our being up here. Everything has been a lie. All along the scientist we've been housing on this ship has been looking for a cure. Cure for the disease ravaging around the world. The disease we didn't know about.. How could they keep us in the dark? Even my superiors claim they didn't know, and I believe them. We've all been in the blind here, we've all been fooled._

 _I tried to call you.. but there was no answer. I don't know if you survived.._

 _I wonder about why I'm here.. Was it a lucky coincidence that got me on the James for this mission? In my mind I can imagine you finding a silver lining in this. You always see the best in things._

 _Was I lucky that I survived? Are we lucky to have been spared? That we didn't see the horrific end that most likely came to our families? We might have not been there, but it will always haunt us._

 _How am I suppose to fight on when everyone I ever cared about is most likely gone? I can't even bear to think how you must've felt when you couldn't reach me, didn't know if I was okay.. What is the silver lining in that Sarah?_

 _I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there._

 _I keep thinking about the last time we said our goodbyes, it might actually been the last.. This is where you usually stop me and give me a reassuring hug whenever it seems I have lost hope.. I can still remember how I tucked your hair behind your ear before I kissed you when I left, I felt you smile against my lips and I felt so happy to be with you.. Who knew it was probably the last time I would feel that way. Sarah.. Where are you?_

 _We're heading toward a fueling station just outside France.. and all I can think of is how I promised to take you there one day. I might never get the chance now._

 _I'm coming home Sarah.. We're trying to come back home._

 _And I hope I get to see you one day again._

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Sarah,_

 _._

 _We made it home.. well almost. We're turning away from home, away from you._

 _You wouldn't believe the things we have seen. France was nuked right in front of my very own eyes.. I still can't fathom the reality of it. I keep hoping that I'll wake up and this all has just been a one bad dream. But it isn't, is it?_

 _We managed to locate a cruise ship for fuel and supplies, and it may have already changed us for good. My friends went aboard the ship not knowing what was waiting for them, and a part of them stayed behind. They won't talk about it, so I'm left to wonder how can we survive? How can we fight this thing?_

 _And there's more.. One of our own died on that ship. Franklin Benz. Kara told me that he took his own life, for the mission. He was exposed to the virus. A reminder that one mistake can truly risk everything.. I feel like there's such a heavy burden on our shoulders. What if we don't succeed?_

 _We haven't had any contact with the bio lab we're suppose to go to and Captain Chandler made a tough call. Deciding it is best that we stay at sea._

 _The government sent us and the Nathan James on this mission, they put their faith in us, we're the last hope of the human race._

 _The mission comes first.. You know me, I took an oath for this country and every day people keep dying, and if I can help, I will. I imagine you're feeling the same, I can picture you in the hospital right now, taking care of people, even though it won't do much of a difference, but you still do it. Which is why I'm terrified of the truth that when I return.. It might be too late._

 _That I'll never get to see your face again, see that smile of yours when you see me, hear your sweet voice or get to tell you how much I love you.._

 _Hold on Sarah, just hold on.._

 _._

 _As always with love,_

 _Alisha_


End file.
